Sneeze
by Niki Bogwater
Summary: "Oh yeah, and that's Aunt Elsa's cat. She sat on me while you were being born." Elsa likes cats. Anna is allergic to them. And now she has one sitting on her baby bump while she's going into labor. This is going to be a long night... For M. G.


Elsa liked cats.

From the day she had to call Kristoff in for dinner and bumped into the stable cat Alcott, she knew she liked cats. They were so soft and fluffy, not to mention affectionate, but they were also cold, collected, calm...well, most of the time. If Anna wasn't available for a healing hug, Elsa always grabbed a cat. It didn't matter which cat (there were about a dozen meandering the castle grounds, she discovered, as Gerda liked to leave out leftover lutefisk for the strays at night), just any cat that would hold still long enough for her to swoop it up for a snuggle worked. Cats were, all in all, very nice creatures, Elsa concluded.

Meanwhile, Anna hated cats.

Okay, well, maybe _hate _was a strong word. Disliked? Avoided? Was allergic to? Definitely the last one, at least. Anna thought of herself as more of a dog person by nature anyways, but the storm of sniffles that swept over her if a cat so much as walked into the room certainly helped cement that. Which was the initial reason for her huge blow-up with Kristoff.

"You are such a big, hulking, stupid, caring, overall too wonderful IDIOT!" She moaned, flopping onto a couch, only to bounce up again when she landed on a tuft of cat hair.

"Uh...Thank you?" Kristoff managed, wondering if Anna was genuinely upset or just flustered.

"Every single time! Every. Single. TIME! Every time something adorable shows up, lost and cold, you just HAVE to take it home!" Anna continued, ignoring him.

"That's how you and I ended up married," he pointed out.

"Don't dilute the severity of this situation, Kristoff! I'm not allergic to you, anyways. I'm allergic to that mangy ball of fluff that Elsa's always carting around!"

"She doesn't have mange, Anna. That's called shedding. And compared to Fattie over there, it's not even that much." He gestured to Gertie, the huge black and white cat lounging on the back of an armchair. She opened one eye lazily, observed that Elsa was not present, and decided to go back to sleep with a stretch. Anna huffed and crossed her arms in a pout. "Come on, Anna," Kristoff coaxed, sitting beside her. "It's just a little cat."

"Little cats get _big, _Kristoff. And big cats have a lot more fur to shed. And in case you haven't noticed, I'm still congested!"

"Anna, I thought you worked it out with Elsa. She lets you keep Cuddly in the palace, after all."

"That is completely different!" Anna jumped to defend her beloved pet. "Elsa isn't allergic to her. And besides, Cuddly is a beautiful creature, unlike those beasts she lets stalk around here." Kristoff raised an eyebrow. "Beautiful creature" wasn't the first thought that came to his mind when asked to describe Anna's overweight, thoroughly repulsive, yet much beloved Arendelle Terrier. He thought it best not to voice this sentiment at the moment, however.

Further discussion was delayed as the object of Anna's frustrations was carried into the Study by Queen Elsa, who paused in the doorway and stared at the two of them.

"Am I interrupting something?" she asked, as Anna sneezed violently.

* * *

The problem with Kristoff was that he was too perfect, at least that's what Anna said. Sure, he thought his pet reindeer was more like a brother than a pet, and yes, he did have a very unusual and slightly awkward gait, not to mention his clumsiness concerning oral expression of one's opinions, but he had the mushiest heart Anna had ever seen. Of course, she knew he was soft the moment they met; it was one of his most outstanding features. But really, to do THIS? Even when he knew she was allergic?

"Anna, it was just sitting there crying! It was so cold, I had to stop and pick it up! I hate it when things are cold," Kristoff had whined when Anna locked him out of their bedroom for the afternoon after he brought the little monster home. Of course, the moment he mentioned the cold, Anna had thrown the door open (nearly bruising his nose) and threw herself into his arms.

"I'm not cold, Kristoff, I'm never cold with you, please don't be scared of the cold-" she had babbled nonsensically, until she buried her nose in his jacket and had to pull back in a flurry of sneezes; there was cat hair on his shirt.

Yes, Kristoff had returned home that Wednesday with a shivering grey kitten tucked under his coat. Elsa had squealed like a schoolgirl.

"A _kitten!_" she gushed, cradling the clearly terrified creature in her hands. "Oh, it's so small and cute...Where did you find him? ...Oh, it's a she? What's her name? How old is she?" Anna had merely glared at him.

It wouldn't have been so bad if the fluffy little darling hadn't taken such a shine to Elsa. You never saw one without the other, it seemed like, which put quite a damper on family time between the three of them, what with Anna rushing for the nearest handkerchief the moment Elsa walked into the room. Elsa was thoroughly enamored by her new companion, who was quite possibly her new best friend, after Gertie, who had been abandoned on the castle doorstep some years before. She always seemed to be so chipper now, like she had something special tucked beneath her arm. Kristoff said the kitten couldn't have been more than eight weeks old, and still too young to leave her mother. Thus, she had latched on to Elsa, formulating a makeshift maternal bond with her instead.

Stormy (Anna thought Elsa could have at least picked a better name) was the perfect sidekick to the Queen. She was a silvery grey color, irregularly streaked with black, with white patches around her face and chest, giving her a striking resemblance to a storm cloud. Her amber eyes were wide and liquid, and Elsa seemed to melt at the sight of them. Anna thought the cat was just seductive. Still, she was better than Elsa's former pet, a small, plump, black cat named Pepper, who had kittens in the attic when Anna was still a baby. Pepper didn't seem to care who she sat on, as long as they were warm, which was a huge problem for Anna, for obvious reasons. At least Stormy seemed reasonably terrified of anyone who wasn't Elsa, and generally avoided Anna in the same manner that Anna avoided her.

Meanwhile, everyone else in the castle was captivated by her. She would attend Council meetings with Elsa, sitting on her lap and purring as the Council discussed political affairs, and generally causing a lovely little ruckus when she jumped on the table to pounce on some loose documents. Elsa made no effort to stop her, nor to conceal her obvious amusement at the incident. Olaf was fascinated with her, although he had become more wary since she had ripped his nose to shreds and they had to find another perfectly-shaped carrot to replace it. Sven was entirely and inexplicably terrified of the little thing, and Kristoff never got tired of watching his best friend get chased around by a kitten as though he were an antelope being stalked by a lion.

So the kitten stayed, and Anna grumbled. Nobody paid any attention to her complaints, except for maybe Kristoff, but Anna thought he didn't count because he was her husband; he was supposed to pay attention to her. But on the day Anna discovered she was pregnant, it was as though all hell had broken loose.

* * *

"KRISTOOOOOOOOFF!" she squealed, racing down the halls, her face aglow. She sneezed as she passed Gertie in the hall, but she didn't even stop to brood about it. She burst into the study where her sister was filing paperwork, the cat on her shoulder, ducked back outside to sneeze again, and startled Elsa so badly that her reading glasses froze over.

"Anna, what on earth-"

"Where's Kristoff?" Anna demanded breathlessly.

"I don't know...Probably in the stables? Anna, what's going on? Are you okay-" But Anna had already flown out of the room. She sprinted down the hallway, slid down a couple of banisters, nearly knocked over Kai, who was sweeping the courtyard, and tumbled into the stables, one big joyful mess.

"KristoffKristoffKristoff KRISTOFF!" she shrieked. The man of the hour whirled around a corner.

"What's going on? Anna? Are you-" Anna slammed into him with a force akin to being bludgeoned in the stomach by a young troll.

"Kristoff Kristoff Kristoff Kristoff Kristoff!" she squealed, hugging him tightly.

"Yes, we've established that, Anna," Kristoff began, trying to pry her loose. "What is going on? Did something disagree with you at dinner last night? You're even more crazy than usual." To his surprise, Anna giggled uncontrollably. "What?" he prodded, starting to worry. "What'd I say?"

"I DID get sick this morning!" she shouted gleefully. Kristoff blinked. That was it. Two years of marriage and his wife had already gone insane.

"A-A-A-Anna..." he said slowly. "I think we need to get you inside. Lie down or something..." He started to guide her to the door, and she dug her heels into the ground.

"No no no no no, I'm fine. Kristoff! Just listen." She spun him around and pressed him against the wall as she lifted her mouth to his ear...

"ELSAAAAA! ElsaElsaElsaElsa ELSA!" Elsa's reading glasses iced over and cracked as Kristoff's voice reverberated down the halls with surprising force. Stormy ducked behind Elsa's legs and the door to the study burst open again.

"Oh, Kristoff, Anna was looking for-Wait. What did I miss here? ...Anna?" Anna was peeking over Kristoff's shoulder with a giddy little smile.

"Elsa..." Kristoff panted, clutching both of Anna's small hands in one of his. "Elsa Elsa Elsa El-"

"For the love of Sven, Kristoff!" Elsa shouted. "Stop babbling like an idiot and tell me what's wrong!" Kristoff stopped to breathe, and Anna beat him to it.

"I'm _pregnant!_"

* * *

Anna tried very hard not to giggle as Bulda's expert, large fingers poked and prodded her ever-expanding stomach. At nine months pregnant, she looked almost ready to pop.

"So, everything's going well?" Kristoff prompted, a little nervous. Anna squeaked as Bulda prodded an extra sensitive spot just above her waist.

"The baby seems happy, and if the baby's happy, then everything must be going well," Bulda said knowingly, a mischievous glint in her eyes as she poked Anna once again, who dissolved into a fit of ticklish giggles.

"H-how can you tell if the b-baby's happy?" Anna stumbled over her words as she fought back more giggles.

"If the parents are happy, then the baby is happy. At least, I hope you two are happy."

"_We are!_" Kristoff and Anna answered at the same time.

"I never thought it showed..." Bulda said with a quiet chuckle. "Now, just a few quick words on what to do when the time comes, which could be any day now, you understand." Anna made an excited little squeaky sound and beamed. "The moment her water breaks, Kristoff, you MUST send someone to fetch me. Even if it's three in the morning, do you understand me?"

"Oh. Okay."

"DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?!" Bulda thundered.

"Yes ma'am!" Kristoff squeaked.

"Nothing appears wrong so far, but I've seen enough girls lose their babies because some nitwit midwife didn't have the faintest idea of what she was doing. You are to fetch me and me alone, or else Anna will have that baby by herself."

"Should I be worried?" Anna asked meekly.

"No, dear, worrying won't help the baby any. Just make sure you get lots of rest and avoid eating allergenic foods."

"What about cats?"

"As long as you're not allergic to them, you can eat them, but I don't know why you'd want to."

"No," Anna giggled. "I mean, I'm allergic to cats in general. Just getting near one makes me all snuffly. Elsa's got a whole army of them at home, plus this puny grey one that's delusional and thinks Elsa is her mother."

"Mmm..." Bulda looked thoughtful. "Just avoid them as best you can. A little bit of sneezing won't hurt the baby if you can't, but make sure there's no cat hair around when the time comes. Birthing grounds should be sterile, in my opinion. Last thing we need is the poor thing getting sick right off."

"Right." Anna patted her swollen stomach as Kristoff helped her up from the bed. _Soon. Very soon! _she squealed inwardly.

* * *

"KRISTOFF!"

"Wasgoinon?" Kristoff snorted as he jolted awake, finding Anna bent almost double by the bed, clutching her balloon-like abdomen and gasping for air.

"B-baby..." Kristoff was up before she could get another syllable out. _Why do babies insist on being born at the most inconvenient times?_ He hovered uselessly for a moment before grasping her shoulders and easing her back onto the bed. With Anna safely out of the way, he decided now was a good time to panic.

"What do I do, what do I do, whatdoido?" He made for the door like he was going to get someone, then came rushing back, not wanting to leave her, and headed back for the door again.

"G-get Bulda!" Anna gasped. "And wake up Elsa! Wait, don't go in your pyjamas!"

"Anna, you're in labor! I'm not going to waste time changing into a tuxedo!" Kristoff snatched a heavy fur coat from the wardrobe. "I love you, please be okay, don't have anything without me-"

"Wait, you idiot, you forgot to kiss me!"

"Oh, right..."

"That wasn't a real kiss!" Anna pouted as Kristoff bolted out the door. Anna tried to focus on breathing. She could hear a lot of shouting going on in the castle, several footsteps rushing down the hall, and...

"_Mew?_"

"OH PLEASE, NO!" Anna bellowed as a grey tabby cat sauntered curiously through the open door and leapt onto the bed, staring at the pregnant princess. She didn't have a chance to shove her off, as the next moment she was shouting for Elsa as the next cramp hit her like a bombshell. Her sister swept around the corner and through the doorway, followed by a roused Gertie, who looked as disconcerted as Anna felt.

"Anna! It's okay, I'm here!" Elsa threw herself down by the bed and clutched Anna's sweaty hand in her own. "Just breathe, okay? Breathe like Bulda taught you. Everything's gonna be fine. Kristoff went to get...Why is Stormy on your stomach?"

"Ged id off!" Anna shrieked, her nose clogging up. Elsa carefully wrapped her arms around Stormy's fluffy middle, but the cat stubbornly clung to Anna's nightgown, and even hissed at her. "Ow!" Anna whimpered as Stormy's claws dug deeper into her baby bump. "Don't led id hurd the baby!" she whined.

"Anna, she won't move!" Elsa cried hysterically, trying again and getting a scratch on her cheek for her efforts.

"Dear Fadder in Heaven, whad did I do to deserve dis?!" Anna screamed. Another labor cramp shut her up before she could continue her complaints. It was going to be a very long night, and the cat seemed intent on staying where she was through the entirety of it. Anna wanted nothing more than to wring its fluffy neck.

* * *

Eight hours. Eight hours of trying to breathe with a stuffy nose, a cat on her baby bump, and labor pains. Anna was sure she was going to die. Kristoff was sure he was being absolutely useless, but he continued to sit with Anna's head in his lap and constantly asking the same stupid question over and over again: "Are you okay?"

"Do I loog like I'm okay?!" Anna snapped with a sneeze.

"You're doing just fine, honey!" Bulda kept saying.

"Whad is going on down dere?" Anna asked frequently, when she could spare a breath for a proper sentence. Bulda reported in helpfully, with encouraging things like "There's the head! Oh, the little dear has your hair, Anna!" and "Almost done! You're doing very well, just keep going!" Meanwhile, Stormy just stared at her and purred. Elsa was clutching Gertie against her chest and sobbing, Kristoff kept brushing nonexistent hair out of his wife's face, who didn't mind that much, and Bulda was throwing orders at all the servants rushing about as fast as she could draw breath.

All in all, Anna wanted to shout for joy when it was all over, and Bulda was wrapping up a tiny, red, squirming bundle in a clean blanket. Stormy was purring louder than ever.

"Shud up, you," Anna said to her. "I'm the one who did all the work..." Stormy blinked at her, and Anna finally reached up and scratched her behind the ears. "Maybe cads aren't so bad..." she murmured.

"Congratulations, you two!" Bulda shouted. "You have a healthy baby-"

"Give me the baby!" Anna interrupted, pushing herself up and shoving the cat off of her stomach.

"Huh?"

"Give it to me now." Bulda promptly handed over the squealing darling, and Anna tucked it under her chin and breathed a sigh of relief.

"...Girl," Bulda finished, looking amused.

"So..." Kirstoff whispered. "Totally worth it?" Anna sighed again and leaned back against him so he could properly hug her from behind.

"Totally," she answered, kissing the baby's silky hair. She had stopped crying and had opened her eyes now, and stared confusedly around her. "Hello..." Anna said softly, beaming uncontrollably. "My name is Mama. That's Papa right behind me, and over there is Aunt Elsa."

"_Meow!_"

"Oh yeah, and that's Aunt Elsa's cat. She sat on me while you were being born." Stormy peered over Anna's arm curiously, and purred as though she was very proud of herself.

The first thing the baby did was sneeze.

**A/N: Eep! I'm so sorry about the lack of uploads, but to be honest, I've been spending a lot more time with some of my original fiction lately. Hopefully the next chapter of "Doctor Dad" will be ready soon *fingers crossed* but in the meantime, this was something I worked very hard on to keep you guys happy.**

**Now a couple of notes, here, I realize that all the cat names I have used are not traditional Scandinavian names such as Elsa probably would have named her cats. That's because there's a little Easter Egg kinda stuffed in there, in that all the pet names are taken from animals I've had the pleasure of meeting. I'd like to point out Gertie in particular (God rest her little kitty soul), who was my friend's cat. She was recently hit by a car and passed away, so I decided to feature her in a fanfiction for my friend. Plus, I wanted to tuck Stormy in somewhere, since I find her to be hilarious and a fun character in real life, and since I hadn't done a "Frozen" fanfiction yet, it seemed like something I should do all at once.**

**Okay, I am officially rambling now, so I'm gonna let you guys go. **

**Love you, M. G.**

**-Niki Bogwater **


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